30 April 2011 – three!

2 May

Today was our nephew’s 3rd birthday party. Isn’t he handsome?! Three years on and I still love him hardcore.  My second nephew, Landen, was born just 7 weeks ago (also pictured here, and also handsome!) and I’ve realised that I don’t feel so intense and fierce about him. And it’s not because he’s second in line or because I only have limited love or anything stupid like that, it’s because Landen is ok: his parents are married, have their own home and both have stable jobs. His life is already safe, secure and comfortable.

It’s a bit different for Noah though. His parents (my brother is his father) had a brief fling and had parted ways before his mother knew she was pregnant. It happens, I’m not judging. Neither am I suggesting that a child should be raised in a traditional family (I mean, obviously!). However, since his birth the two of them have been arguing – sometimes passive aggressively, sometimes actively aggressive. And it is this abuse and tension that I fear. I can only imagine how it might warp Noah’s sweet little mind.

From the moment I saw Noah – and I had barely met his mother then – I was overwhelmed with wanting to protect him, shield him from the tone and glare and dna test talk. But of course he’s not mine, and he has parents to love and protect him and I continue to hope that as they grow and Noah grows all this anger will blow over and they will learn to raise their son separately but still together somehow. For now though we (ie the extended family) are all stuck in a cycle of trying to support and encourage the two of them to be good parents, to communicate with each other, and wishing they would shift their focus back to the little boy at the centre of it all.

I’m full of worry for Noah, and always have been. I worry that he will feel disappointment and heartache and anxiety and unhappiness, sooner and harder than a growing person should. It is clear that he is already feeling confused and frustrated. Zanne and I admit that we go a bit overboard with the attention we give him, but we’re both set on making him feel loved and safe and funny and clever and like the best-little-boy-there -ever-was when he’s with us. I hope he remains in our lives, full of imagination and bossiness and smiles. I hope his mother never moves him away, or stops us from seeing him. I hope his parents can attempt to resolve their issues without too many Court appearances – because it kind of feels like we’re heading in that direction. We try to capture moments like the above as much as possible because, no matter what might happen in his future, at least he’ll be able to look back and know that there was happiness and fun inbetween the drama.


3 Responses to “30 April 2011 – three!”

  1. ZM May 4, 2011 at 11:05 am #

    baby! You’re gonna make me cry! i loves him. and you.


  1. a ridiculous, emotional girl « our tiny dancer - May 16, 2011

    […] Mum sent me a message earlier to share that Noah (our 3 year old nephew) had come by for a visit. She said when asked whether she should call Aunty Shan so he could say […]

  2. Don’t panic, funny. « our tiny dancer - July 27, 2011

    […] I want to kick her butt! But talking to Mum is like talking to… someone who is not listening. She’s one of those annoying battler types, totally selfless and convinced of her own invincibility, etc – and always worried about money. Grr! It’s all too much to think about – so instead I will do some bragging about our much adored nephew, Noah. […]

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